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When your children misbehave, would you like them to take responsibility? If you answer "Yes" to any of the following questions, use your kids' reasoning powers to show you how.

Do your children sass?
Do your children whine?
Do your children avoid chores?
Do your children fight?
Do your children lie?

In my counseling practice, parents didn't want to be judge and jury. Instead, they wanted their kids to take responsibility for their own actions. If your children exhibit similar behaviors to the above, you can get out of the middle and help your children change. Below is a method that works with children from elementary grades through high school. Don't worry if your kids don't like it. They're not supposed to.

Give your child a lined 8" x 11" paper and say, " Write out (or draw if your children are too young to write) the answers to the following 3 questions.

1. What did I do wrong?
2. Why was it wrong?
3. What are three ways I could have acted better

Your kids must complete the above before doing other things. When done, tell your children to come and discuss their answers with you. If they did a sloppy job tell them to go back and redo it.

(Keep these papers in a 3-hole notebook as a snapshot of their reasoning development. It will become a priceless keepsake for you to treasure always.)

Notice how this method puts the responsibility on your child's shoulders for both the misbehavior and the solution.

Why is this method a logical consequence?

First, your child is using his/her reason.
Second, using reason is logical.
Third, the actions of writing or drawing fit the misbehavior because they admit responsibility, tell why it is wrong, and come up with solutions.

Use this method and get out of the middle. Stop being the judge and jury. Help your kids experience the consequences of their behaviors. Teach them to take responsibility for their actions. Build character too.

Here's to your parenting success!

Jean Tracy

Jean Tracy, MSS "Granny Jean" helps parents, teachers and counselors, raise awesome kids with solid characters. She graduated from Seattle University with a degree in education. She taught elementary school in Washington, California, and Connecticut.

Inspired by her desire to help the problem children in her classes, Jean returned to graduate school. She earned a Masters Degree in Social Work from Bryn Mawr College in Pennsylvania. Upon returning to her home in Washington State, she worked as a probation officer and then developed a private counseling practice with families and children that spanned 22 years. During this time she earned a Diplomate in Clinical Social Work.

When asked how she developed her parenting books and products, she tells a unique story. "When I was an intern counselor in an old elementary school in Pennsylvania, I shared my office with the janitor under the stairwell. When the bell rang, the children's pounding footsteps drowned out every counseling session I ever had. The office itself had buckets, mops, and assorted cans lining the walls. The light bulb overhead swung back and forth casting creepy shadows everywhere. My counseling tools were broken down toys in a huge vinyl bag. Those toys never seemed a good way to counsel kids.

When I started my counseling practice, I looked for better skills to understand the kids I counseled. Over the years I developed fun ways to communicate with kids, to help parents help their own kids, and build character too. My unique parenting books and products are the result."

Jean Tracy, "Granny Jean" is a wife, mother, and grandmother. She is also an award-winning Distinguished Toastmaster and professional speaker. Her presentations, include:

1. Build Character Now! Practical Tools for Busy Parents 2. Discipline Styles, 3 to Lose and 1 to Choose 3. Family Meetings: This Special Formula Builds Character 4. Teach Your Child Success! 1 Simple Formula, 3 Easy Steps

Granny Jean's presentations are full of stories and interactive activities that will help you as parents, teachers, and counselors build solid character in your awesome children.